I wonder sometimes if I’ll ever stop hating myself. Maybe hate isn’t the right word. I think the more appropriate word to use would be hurting.
When ever I find a piece of sanity and peace I always end up going back to everything that causes me stress and discomfort. It’s like comfort food. It’s never something healthy that’s low sugar/salt it’s always the greasiest, fattiest most sugary food you can find because some how dirty food makes you feel good about yourself.
Dirty food makes you feel good about yourself. I should make a sticker and fill my wall with some of the analogies that fall out of my head/mouth.
I think I’m too lazy and I procrastinate on everything I do so I never get to stay in the good places I find. I some how always convince myself that if I go back to the bad things that give me anxiety it won’t be as bad as before. Surprise it’s worse, good job Sour Rambles you played yourself (again). I’m the only one who can stop this cycle and I’m probably just too lazy to do it.
Honestly it’s moments like this that offing myself doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Although it does seem like a lot of work and I would be that person that would want all my thoughts out so when I’m gone the people around me can get some perspective to my state of mind. Hmmm…. For now it’s on the back burner.
There’s so many… words? No… Hmm I can’t think straight right now.
I’m at a loss and I just want everything to end.
Sour Rambles 